


Accept the things we cannot change

by cheygrl94



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-29
Updated: 2010-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-14 05:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/145713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheygrl94/pseuds/cheygrl94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A stupid mistake haunted Lilly until she saw the only option that lay before her. In her moment of hysteria she gave up the one and only connection Harry had to a real family...<br/>Currently Under reconstruction!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A gentle breeze caressed ivory skin. The sweet scent of summer roses wafted through the air to the pair hidden serenely between the sunflower stalks. Auburn hair hung down in front of the young woman's face. Bright green eyes pierced the obsidian stones that resided in the face of Severus Snape.

The day's events flooded back to her. So... unexpected.

She'd bee waiting at the post office for what seemed like hours to send off her Christmas gifts. She tapped her foot impatiently as finally there was only one person in front of her.

"I'd like to send off this box of wine glasses." said the silky voice in front of her. She knew that silky purr. She would know it anywhere.

"Sev?" she spoke automatically, forgetting the fact that she hadn't spoken to him since their graduation, at which he had called her a stupid mud blood and punched James in the face after James had apologized. The man turned around to look at the young redhead that he had loved since he was but a child.

Blazing green met leagues of black coal they stared at each other in shock. It had been years since they had seen each other. they would have stood still, but the man at the register broke up the impromptu staring contest. "Would you like to make this express shipping. We have the fastest owls in the county."

"What?" Severus asked, turning to face the man one again. "Yes, of course." Severus then paid for his purchase, and hesitated, waiting for Lily. He didn't want to watch her go again.

"Would you like to have lunch with me, Sev?" He looked dumbfounded. (Which he was. Lily found it so easy to just forgive, and forget. )

"Of course, Lily." He wasn't much for stuttering or else the words wouldn't have escaped his lips. They headed to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop. The place wasn't exactly crowded, and so they had no trouble finding a booth in the very back where they drank their tea in an awkward silence. Neither could bring themselves to ask even the most basic questions. Both sipped noiselessly at strong black tea, and looked around the room avoiding each other's eyes. Lily soon grew impatient. She hated awkward silences, and wasn't going to waste her tea time in one.

"How have you been, Sev?" 'There that was simple enough. There is no way that he can make that uncomfortable.' she thought.

"Fine, and you?" Severus said the words slowly, and without infliction. He was practicing his pokerfaced well. He was getting entirely too good at it for Lily's taste.

"Same, great actually. James and I have gotten married." She didn't remember who she was talking to or what the effects of her words were before sh spoke, but that didn't stop her from getting angry when Severus stiffened, and mumbled unintelligible insults under his breath.

"Nice of Potter to think enough of you to propose before he tried to get in your pants." Lily fumed.

"And what, are you implying?" She asked coldly mimicking his tone perfectly. Their eyes met.

"You know exactly what I'm -"

"Listen here, Severus Tobias Snape! I'd like for us to be friends again, but for that to happen your going to have to GROW UP, and get over this CHILDISH feud with MY FIANCEE! I know that you haven't been associating with the best people as of lately, but your still the genuinely good person I met so many years ago. I know you, Sev. Your not like them."

"That's just it Lily. You don't know me anymore. I'm a different man, now. I've changed."

"That's bloody bullshit, and you know it. You and I both know that no matter how many years go by, no matter what you see, or experience, you will always be the scared little boy you were when I met you. You will always be the same little boy that let me learn who I really was, and until just recently stood by me no matter what the consequences were. You may think you've changed, but you will always be that boy."

"I'm NOT a little boy, Lily. You can't-"

"Please don't fight with me today, Sev." Tears began to form in her eyes. She didn't understand why she had such wild mood swings lately, but she let it go, succumbing to the sadness that was slowly enveloping her. Her eyes pleaded with him. there was no reply. The tears were beginning to sting her eyes. She reached in her purse, and placed three sickles on the table. "I guess I'd better go." she whispered, her voicing catching at the end. The tears began falling down her flushed cheeks. Severus stood unsure of how to proceed. People just didn't cry in front of him. No one trusted him enough to. He put his arms around her in an awkward embrace.

"Don't!" She screamed hysterically, but her body conflicted her screams as her hands wrapped around his neck, and she clung to his solid form. Severus secured the woman in his arms.

"It's alright, Lils. It's going to be alright." He whispered as soothingly as he could. He wiped a stray tear from her face with his thumb, and wished he knew how to stop her pain. "Let's get out of here." He whispered. Then there was a violent tug behind Lily's navel, and they were sailing through empty blackness. She was finding it hard to breathe as they sailed away from the dark tea room.

They were in a bright meadow surrounded by tall sunflower stalks. Lily held onto the man as he conjured a blanket and laid it on the pale green grass. he lowered himself, and the crying woman onto the blanket.

No matter how hard she tried Lily just couldn't quit crying. Even when she realized that they were in the field that they had spent so many summer afternoons, she just couldn't stop. Tears rolled freely down her cheeks, and She felt Sev's cool fingers brushing them away in his frantic need to comfort her. "I'm sorry, Sev." was all she could say.

The man placed a finger on her lips and shook his head. He didn't' need her to apologize. "You've done nothing wrong, Lily Bear" he said, hoping the hated pet name would pull her out of her sudden manic depression. It worked. She smiled and slapped his arm playfully. After the rough beginning the afternoon went by beautifully, and now they sat on the same blanket holding each other like they had when they were young. It didn't seem strange or wrong anymore, Lily just gave into it. She couldn't stand to upset Sev again. She couldn't loose him, again.

Suddenly their eyes connected, and Lily wanted nothing more than to have that relationship back, that she'd had in fifth year. She wanted Sev to hold her under the stars of Hogwarts, and never let her go, but most of her still wanted James, so she didn't give in the urge to lean in and kiss Sev, but he did.

Sev read her face carefully before leaning in to kiss the woman desperately. Once the romantic flame sparked, it was as if a fire had begun and gasoline was being rained down upon it. There was no escaping the feelings they had. they had to give in...

Afterward Lily lay in the strong arms of Severus Snape. She caressed the skin of his right arm while his left supported her. As Lily turned over she noticed Sev wince. She looked down to see what was wrong to find, to her horror, a tattoo on Sev's left forearm. It wasn't just any tattoo, but the mark. The dark mark was burned into the flesh of the man she had just made love to. Lily jumped to her feet throwing her clothes back on as best as she could, then apparated to her bathroom, before she could think about anything else. After checking to make sure that James was indeed out partying with Padfoot, she went over to her bed and collapsed into it, crying herself to sleep.

Lily went about her day as quietly as possible. Thankfully James was out with Padfoot and Moony as it was full moon, and she wouldn't have to face him, yet. So after finishing some errands Lily went to visit her sister, Tuney.

"Don't breathe a word to him. He never has to know. With you being the way you are no one will marry you if your a whore too." It hurt, but Lily felt so stupid that she didn't object. She took her sister's advice, and even when she discovered she was pregnant, she didn't tell James.

She had been sitting in the doctor's office forever when the muggle doctor finally came in. She had chosen to see a muggle doctor so that she could determine how far along she was without making James suspicious. he didn't even know that she was there.

"Well?" she asked impatiently. The man looked at her, and noticed the lack of a wedding ring, (that she had taken off before so that no one would question her maiden name.) and so felt bad about breaking the news. "Your having twins, Ms. Evans." he said quietly.

'Well that was unexpected' she thought. "Ok. Umm how far along am I?"

"About four months." Lily sighed in relief as she realized that she was not having Severus' baby. She knew that she could keep her secret well hidden now. "There is one problem, though. One of the fetus's looks smaller, and underdeveloped. It's common in the case of fraternal twins. The boy is larger than the girl. You'll need to take some supplements, and drink plenty of fluids. Ok?"

Lily nodded. This was perfect. She was going to have two of James's children. She wouldn't have to worry about whether James wanted a boy or a girl. He was getting both, but she never got a chance to tell him. When she sent an owl telling him she had some good news he replied that he would be out on an auror mission for the next six months or so. She couldn't believe it. James was going to leave her in her pregnant state, of course he didn't know she was pregnant. She sighed, and again went to cry herself to sleep.

The next day she sent a letter off telling him she was pregnant, omitting the part about it being twins for some reason she couldn't explain to herself. She didn't know why, but she didn't trust the doctor who told her that the babies inside her were indeed James'.

Five months later Lily was being carted off to a delivery room where she was in labor for twelve hours. When the first child was born they only let her see the baby for a moment, but she knew then that it was not James's baby. The girl's obsidian eyes shone through a fringe of already long red hair. She was crying and the nurse took her away before Lily could think. Could the muggle have been wrong? That theory was eliminated as she looked at a small carbon copy of James. When both the babies were placed in her arms she looked around. No one was around. She didn't know what was possessing her, but she put the boy who she had deemed Harry James Potter in the crib next to her bed, then she headed down the hallway with the little pink blanket in her arms. She'd heard of women giving birth to twins with two different fathers. It happened, but she couldn't believe it happened to her.

When she passed the nurse's station, she overheard two of the nurses talking. One was her nurse the other was the only other nurse in the maternity ward. "Did you hear about that woman in 315? She lost another little girl. The woman is never going to have any living girl I swear. Poor girl. I wish I didn't have to go tell her the baby passed."

An idea sprang into Lily's mind. She didn't know if she had gone mad or if they had pumped her with too many pain killers, but she wasn't thinking clearly when she jumped out form behind the was and said, "You don't have to." Before obliviating the two nurses and changing some forms. Then Lily headed down the hall to room 315. She looked around the room. There was a sleeping woman, and a man sleeping in a chair that had been transfigured into a twin sized bed. Lily spotted the small pink crib and placed the bundle into it.

"I love you, baby, but James can't know of you." She placed her daughter in the dead girl's crib, and left the room to attend to her son. Now he was her only child, and not the child of worthless scum like Severus Snape.


	2. Acceptance

Eleven years went by with difficulties for both the children. Whilst Harry was in his cupboard wishing for love, Ellie was left at the mercy of her mother. Her father had been the wizard in the family. When her father passed just before her tenth birthday, Ellie's knowledge of the magical world had been cut off, and Ellie's mother had started drinking.

The woman woman started with insults, but her hatred for the girl that had been so close to the man she had loved grew daily, and eventually, she started hitting the girl. It started small, like most catastrophic things do, but it grew. So, by the time that faithful day arrived Janice's dislike for the small girl had bloomed into full blown hatred.

"CYNTHIA ELLINORE!" Janice screeched across the tiny apartment. Within seconds Ellie stood before her mother body rigid and eyes averted. The woman stumbled drunkenly to the small girl. She placed a thick letter in her daughter's hand sneering slightly.

The letter was addressed to her.

Cynthia Ellinore Adams.

The pullout couch

# 7 Chesterfield Hill, Westminster, London, England

Ellie looked wide eyed at her mother when the address sunk in. They knew where she slept? She was accepted to Hogwarts. Ellie tore open the envelope and stared at her name on the acceptance letter before reading it.

Miss Adams,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We will be awaiting your reply.

Cordially,

Minerva McGonnagall

Ellie was shocked. Her father had told her about the school, and how he had gone when he was a boy. However, he'd never told Ellie that he'd paid for her to go as well. She looked precariously at the excruciatingly long list of items. There was no way she would be able to pay for all of it. She was quickly jerked out of her thoughts as a cloud of smoke curled in her face, choking off her supply of oxygen.

She coughed, and stared into the eyes of her tormentor. She was never leaving. She couldn't leave her brother with that monster. He lay on the couch sleeping peacefully, for now. Ellie stared at her mother waiting for the blows to rain down on her.

"You think you're too good for us, now? You think you're going to leave us to go learn how to use that wand you made? You ain't too good for shit! And you ain't goin to no damn school for little BITCHES!" Saliva flew from her lips and Ellie could smell the bourbon on her breath. This was going to be a long night. Her mother was a squib, and had never attended Hogwarts. She had been blind with a jealous rage when she noticed Ellie perform magic at only four, and the seed of hatred had been planted in her that day.

Ellie waited for the woman to start. To scream. To Flail, but all she did was glare. The boy woke up and whimpered at the tension he felt in the room. He was only a year old, but he knew when his mother was in the mood to hit. He'd never felt her rage physically, but he understood it well enough, especially when his sister was tender to the touch after such a temper had passed.

"I don't think that I am too good for you. I didn't ask to receive the letter, ma'am. I didn't ask for any of this. If you don't mind there is an owl waiting to take my reply back to Hogwarts, and I would like to not keep it waiting." There went her temper again. The woman's eyebrows had risen ever so slightly with each word. Ellie was going to pay. The woman reached out and stroked Ellie's cheek menacingly. Then her ringed hand struck forcefully across the tender flesh. Ellie didn't even blink. She simply stood and waited for it to begin. She was not kept waiting long.

The drunken woman's hands failed wildly as she began channeling her hatred into the strength of the blows that rained down on the small girl. Janice's fist made contact with the small side and there was a sickening crunch as one of Ellie's ribs cracked. Ellie couldn't help it, she let out a small gasp of pain as she felt the bone crunch under her mother's hands.

"Enough." She whispered as she stood to face her mother. Janice sneered and reached a hand out to strike the girl down again, but Ellie ducked, and the woman's fist went wide. Janice stumbled and glared at the young girl. She reached out to wrench a chunk of the girl's red hair, but again, she missed. Ellie could feel the cracked rib moving irritably against her lungs and muscle as he dodged blow after blow, but she knew she couldn't stop. Eventually the woman became to tired to strike anymore and collapsed on the ground glaring at her daughter.

"I never wanted you." she whispered deathly silent. "I took a potion just before you were born that was supposed to kill you. I thought it had, too, but then I woke up, and there you were. Your fucking father was so pleased. I'd killed two other little bitches wanting to steal your father's love, but no, you, had to survive. WHY WON'T YOU DIE?" she screeched.

Ellie felt the ghosts of tears prickle in her eyes but she pushed them down as she stared hatefully into the expression on her mother's face.

"Fuck you." She whispered before punching the woman, hard, in the face. Janice Adams slumped unconsciously against the wall as Ellie darted about the room preparing one small bag with an internal engrocio placed upon it. Soon, She was ready to go, and there was only one thing left to do.

She grabbed paper and pen, and scribbled a note to this McGonnagall woman, before leaving the small apartment with an infant in her arms and determination in her heart.

It would be my honor to attend your school,

Cynthia Ellinore Adams


	3. Diagon Alley

The cool night air whipped around Ellie's face as she held onto her brother's small form. She rose her right arm up in the air, wand in hand, and waited for the bus to arrive. She didn't have to wait long before it sped down spinner's end to stop suddenly in front of her. She picked up the small bag of her possesions.

"Hello, and welcome to the night bus. My name is Stan Shunpike. I'll be your escort tonight." He looked around expectantly. Not noticing the pair until he looked down. She was short and he looked curiously, but did not say anything about it. He grabbed her bag and led her to a bunk. "Where to?" He asked .

"The leaky cauldron," she replied shortly, before laying the boy on the bed. She waited contentedly. She noticed a Daily Prophet sitting on the table. She grabbed it and looked curiously at the front page. On the cover was a man with black hair and blue eyes. He held a baby and a woman stood beside him. The headline read: The boy who lived goes to Hogwarts. Ellie knew all about Harry Potter and that he would be attending her school, that wasn't what caught her eye. The woman in the picture looked painfully familiar. She read the caption below the picture. The woman was Harry Potter's mother. She couldn't believe it. Really the woman looked just SO familiar. Ellie couldn't put her finger on it, but she knew the woman from somewhere.

Arriving at the Leaky Cauldron Ellie gathered her brother and her things and left the bus. She went in straight away. She'd stolen 100 galleons from her mother's drawer before she left. She couldn't understand why they lived in less than a shack when her mother had a hundred galleons just lying around the house. She sighed heavily as she entered the bar. They were no longer serving drinks, so she didn't have to worry about drunks, but that left convincing the bartender to give her a room for the night without an adult.

Ellie brought herself up to her full height, and approached the man behind the bar. "I need a room for the rest of the week." She spoke with more confidence than she felt.

The man peered at her from behind his glasses. He noticed the thick bruise on her left eye and the scratches that covered her face. This was obviously a runaway. It wouldn't be the first to come into his bar and demand a room, but she was certainly the first to be carrying a small child with her. He inspected her for another minute before nodding his head and handing her a key not even bothering to ask for the money.

Ellie took the key gratefully and walked up the stairs to room 11. The bed was larger than her own cot, and she unpacked the dusty crib and set it up next to the bed. Not that the boy would sleep in it, he much preferred spending his evenings with his sister, but it never hurt to come prepared.

After brushing his teeth and laying her brother, Michael, on the bed Ellie quickly went to get herself ready for bed. While brushing her hair she examined her own reflection in the mirror. Her sunken face was pale from malnutrition, and she could see that her left eye was swollen and bruised. Her neck had scratches and finger imprints on it, and she could see the indentation her mother's ring had left on her cheek. 'I should fix that' she thought aimlessly.

When she looked closer she noticed (not for the first time) the lack of similarities between her face and her mother's. While her mother had wispy blonde hair Ellie had thick red hair with naturally dark lowlights and tips. Janice's nose was short and pig-like whereas Ellie's nose was small, but button-like and not almost hooked at the end, but not unattractively. Ellie sighed. She couldn't understand why her mother and she looked absolutely nothing alike. It wasn't as if she looked like her father either. The man had been balding with gray hair that had supposedly been brown at one time and a square jawline. She still didn't get it, but she gave up and went to bed for what she was sure was going to be a long night of restless dozing.

The next morning brought the desire to jump for joy as Ellie realized that she was finally free of her mother. She looked out the window and saw an owl sitting on the windowsill. She quickly went to attend to it before its screeches could wake Michael. The letter had an official looking seal on the back from Hogwarts. She tore the letter open hurriedly. Inside was yet another note.

Miss Adams,

We are pleased to hear that you will be joining us this year at Hogwarts. Inside the envelope is your ticket on the Hogwarts Express that will be leaving on the morning of September 1, at 11:00 a.m. Please send word if additional information is required.

Cordially,

Professor Minerva McGonagall

Ellie initially sighed in relief before realizing that she had to do SOMETHING with her brother, if she were to go to the school. She couldn't very well bring him along could she? Could she? She thought for a moment. She wouldn't be able to bring him into her classes. He was too young and would certainly cause a disruption. Besides the classes weren't exactly known to be child safe. She had heard that the school had house elves. Perhaps she could leave him in their care, but how was she to trust them enough. She couldn't, and besides she wasn't sure the school would allow it. She had no friends, and her mother had cut off contact with her relatives years ago.

She would have to bring him with her. That was the only option she had left. She grabbed a piece of stationary from the tablet on the desk along with a quill and hastily scribbled a note.

Professor McGonagall,

I am in need of a place to house and care for my brother. I am the only person capable of caring for him. I have no living relatives to my knowledge. I'm unsure of how to proceed.

Sincerely

Cynthia Ellinore Adams

Anxiety engulfed her as she attached the letter addressed to this mysterious woman to the owl's leg and watched it fly into the rising sun. She studied her sleeping brother before going to find her supplies in the things she had nicked from her father's old study. She had grabbed all the books on magic she could find hidden in his locked drawer in her miniscule time frame. Among them she found all of her school books. She had been able to grab a potions kit from the chest of her father's things, along with some dragon hide gloves, and so she was thankfully covered on school supplies and she could focus on feeding herself and Michael.

She unfortunately still had to purchase an owl a cat or a toad. She decided on an owl. The thing would cost a lot, but would ultimately save money on post fairs and food, because it could hunt for itself.

At a quarter to eight that morning Ellie readied her brother for a day out shopping. She found a small grocer at which she bought enough food for a week or two. Then she went to the pet shop. She looked hopefully at three scrawny birds for less than a galleon apiece that she seriously considered until she noticed a pair of incredible white birds looking at her almost incredulously. She went the cage. There was one female and one male. The male seemed less persnickety and moody, so she brought the cage to the front and paid for her familiar. She would have loved to have bought the pair, but could barely afford the three galleons for the one. On her way out she noticed a giant of a man coming into the store knowingly eying the second owl.

At the robe shop she waited for the woman to attend to her. She overheard two young boys chatting in the fitting room.

"I'll be in Slytetherin. My whole family's been in it. What do you suppose you'll be in?" One drawling voice asked the other occupant. There was no verbal reply so when the boy continued to gloat about money and power she assumed the boy had shrugged. A few moments later the boys emerged from the fitting room.

One was taller than the other with blonde hair that looked oddly like her own mother's. His voice was the drawling one she'd heard in coming from the fitting room. He had an air about him that reeked of arrogance, and the fact that he had been spoiled his whole life shown in the expression on his face.

The other was shorter, and had unruly black hair. He wore muggle clothing that did not fit well, and hung over him like a potato sack. His bright green eyes shone with wonder at the sights he had seen that day. He looked oddly familiar, and that's when Ellie realized he looked exactly like the man in the Daily Prophet. Granted, he was much younger, and his eyes were not the same color, but he was the spitting image of his father. Ellie wanted to speak to the boy, but decided against assuming correctly that he'd been gawked at enough.

A moment later, Michael awoke and started struggling in her arms, and she lost track of all thoughts outside of the small child in her arms. A woman appeared, smiling serenely.

"He is adorable. What's his name, dear?" Ellie looked up startled by the unusually kind woman.

"M-m-michael, ma'am. He's my brother." She stuttered slightly, and felt stupid, but Madam Malkin only smiled serenely and held her arms out expectantly. No one ever wanted to hold him, and it was surprising to see someone take interest.

Ellie gratefully handed the boy over relieving her aching arms. She almost regretted it as she didn't know the woman, but was relieved when Madam Malkin held the boy lovingly and cooed at him. She transfigured a chair into a crib, and laid him in it. Ellie watched nervously for a moment, but was quickly distracted by Madam Malkin pulling her to her feet and leading her to a fitting room in which she pulled out a tape measure that worked of its own accord to take her measurements.

"I was just wondering ma'am, how much is this going to cost?" The words came out in a whisper. She only had fifteen galleons left and she wasn't sure if she could afford a whole set. Madam Malkin looked at her curiously. Most of the time when children came in by themselves they simply handed the woman whatever money their parents had lent them, and she would give them the change. Then again, most of the time they did not come in carrying babies and looking like death warmed over. This girl was obviously a special case. She was obviously scared to death, and she looked as if she didn't have a knut to her name. Madam Malkin sighed and did a quick estimate in her head.

"Three galleons should do it." This seemed unreal. Ellie couldn't believe her luck. She would still have plenty left. She sighed with relief as she handed over the money.

Then she left the shop with a sleeping Michael in her arms looking forward to the day she would finally enter into Hogwarts.


End file.
